I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
