why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
