YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
