I could make wine with my vomit
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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