I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
