So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Pants are for mortals
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