I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
