I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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