White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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