I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
love makes seman taste better
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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