I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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