hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
