Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
