I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
