Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
