New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
