just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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