nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
