READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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