Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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