The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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