So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
