We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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