So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
