I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
