covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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