I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
