Don't make out with my wife yet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
