May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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