Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
