I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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