He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
