Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
