Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
