if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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