Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
