yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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