And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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