peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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