I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
