He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
