As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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