seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
