wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
