Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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