I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just invented taco cereal.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
