I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
