bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
