no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
