Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
