I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
