first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
