I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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