I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
