i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
