did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I looked at my own cervix.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
