Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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