apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
