if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
