remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
