its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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