i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
