Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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