I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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