Will you blow on my dice?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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