think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
