Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
