I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
