I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
