Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
