I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
