happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
