I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
