Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
