I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
