4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
