I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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